Grow through what you go through…

It’s so true, that the things that happen in our lives good or bad ‘we grow through it’.

I have recently had to re -visit my past,  something I’d always struggled to do because parts of it still felt raw and as if they had only happened yesterday!

I then realised something , I had actually been threw some difficult things in my past but I’d ‘grown from it’ I had become stronger, wiser and able to put any negative feelings I once had into positive ones by helping others going threw similar, by being their voice and their listener and by helping to raise awareness for what I believed in.

Life doesn’t have to break us.  Good or bad it just makes us stronger, shapes us as the person we are now!

I know now I’m not weak inside and I’m not shaped by my past trauma anymore.  I went threw what I went threw but it’s not who I am now.

Like a seed I’ve now grown into an amazing bright big flower shining in all its glory for  everyone to see.

Always believe in your ability to come out the other end and know your OK.

Grow through what you go through 💓

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Honest Day….

Scrolling threw insta at everyone’s perfect pictures and perfect days and feeling like a bit of an honest outlook on daily life is needed! Not every day is perfect and we certainly don’t wake up every day looking like supermodels well is sure as hell dont!

Here is me! Today spots and bad hair looking far from amazing and here is my honest day so far!

It’s a bad Fibro day! I’ve woke up and my mood is low! I’m on the edge of tears I hurt so bad.

Every little thing I’ve done today I’ve then had to sit for 5 like I’ve just run a marathon! It’s pretty sucky!

So here’s is my less than honest picture!

It’s so easy to have a fake day! Let everyone see the perfect you having fun! When actually you are not! Social media helps living the lie so easy! So I’m having an honest day showing the honest me ! Admitting to a bad day looking shocking and not ashamed to show it!

Your not alone in having a bad day so many of us have one let’s just remember that social media is what it is a tool for allowing everyone to see the perfect life ! Don’t get caught up in the trap of omg I wish my life was like that anyone can fake a picture! But remember the reality 💕

Happiness…..

Happiness to me is family.

The one thing that makes me walm and fuzzy inside is the overwhelming huge love I have for my family.  It’s truly everything to me. Waking up to my husband and my daughter everyday sharing laughs with them and making memories. I love their annoying habits their adorable habits. I love our days out together the stories we all share about our days when we are off doing other things.  I love my parents and love spending time with them.

Family to me is so important yes their are things that make us happy! Like someone buying you a present or paying you a compliment, Winning a prize, listening to your favourite song, but happiness! Is a whole new level!

Happiness is about so much more than just being happy! it’s what makes everyday beautiful to be alive!

I never take my happiness for granted I feel the richest girl in the world surrounded by love 💗

Battling your demons….

Sometimes you just have to go back into the past, even though your always told to only look forward.

It’s hard to believe that events and moments that happened in your life 6,10 even 20 years ago can cause so much trauma impacting your everyday life.

I learnt that I didn’t put a lot of my ‘demons ‘ to bed, my mind just put them on a ‘don’t really know what to do with this shelf’ and the problem is, that the shelf over the years became so full it pretty much crashed down.

I’m learning to go back into my past and look at things I may have of put on that shelf’ it causes my head to spin! My mind is just running round and round like a movie on repeat and I find myself opening these demons up in my head and I drift into thoughts of the past at random times during the day without even meaning too, I’ve been told this is part of the healing and re- filing process that my mind is going threw in order for me to move forward from it.

I’ve had to try and re train my brain to take some time out and I’ve found such a great App helping me with this called ‘Headspace’ I can’t tell you what a life saver this app has been at 2.00 in the morning when you wake from a bad dream of a past memory and your hearts going fast and your head is spinning, then theirs relief after a few moments of turning the App on and here the calming voice and I do the deep breaths it truly works wonders for me.

I guess re visiting the demons is all part of getting yourself well and by doing so becoming a stronger person.

Life is a complicated journey and unfortunately difficult, bad things happen to good people.

Not all of us have strong minds some Of us are easily broken through our sensitive natures but we do gain strength and our minds do heal we all just need time and trust in whatever path of wellbeing we decide to take. I truly feel my journey difficult as it is will become a positive one. Be strong face the demons head on and beat them with positivity 💓

A Day at the Zoo….

Preparation is key with any chronic illness it’s like when you have a new born baby you need to make sure you remember all the essentials for any scenario and if you have a chronic illness and your a Mum you need a double pack up of all essentials. And double scenarios

It’s currently the School holidays and yes I am one of those crazy mummies that totally embrace every day and can’t wait for the 6 weeks and hate that they go so quick even though at times my daughter drives me bonkers and I probably do her too, it’s still the best! Making memories spending time I love it.

However I do need to be extra good leading up to the special days out if I want an extra special day to remember! and it’s worth a little relapse now and again for a few days just to have them.

We were so excited to be going to Whipsnade Zoo.

It was an early start at 6.00 Am and leaving the house by 7.30 Am. I had got all Of my essentials packed, chosen a comfy outfit and shoes for an immensely hot and long walking kind of day and packed water by the gallon.

It was beautiful when we got their the sun was shining the zoo wasn’t over crowded it was just right and above all we were having an amazing day.

Days like this give you a break in your head because it’s just filled with so much joy!

We walked lots saw the most amazing animals laughed lots ate well and above all made some extra special memories.

Chronic illness doesn’t have to stop you living your life it’s living with it and finding that happy medium and accepting our limits and when we can push them a little.

Perfect day 💗

Guilt…

Do you ever go to bed at night and your day just replays in your mind like a movie!

I often lay in bed and go over my day and feel riddled with guilt. The problem is that sometimes on a particularly ‘bad day’ when you hurt so much and your frustrated every little thing is such a big deal! and everything becomes irritating to you, patience is at 0 and thinking just doesn’t happen.

It would be the easy option to hide out of the way and spend the entire day in bed alone and have no contact with anyone! But in reality and when your a Mum this option just won’t do!

So comes the grumpy frustrated snappy version of yourself that nobody likes and who at the end of that day you look back on and cringe stays for the day!

That was me today! and yes I’m lying in bed and I’ve replayed my day and I’ve been awful snappy snarly grumpy Sarah and my god do I feel guilty for it.

I know my family don’t deserve to deal with that awful version of myself but it’s a harsh reality of a Chronic Illness because the constant pain no matter how strong you try to be and how well you look after yourself will somedays just hit you too hard and you just can’t help but be this rubbish version of yourself.

It must be awful for my family to be on the receiving end of my bad day!

The only thing that helps me live with how Awful I know I can be! Is that I love my family dearly and don’t mean it and they know that and understand and love me no matter what! Family is everything to me and my god do I know how lucky I am to have mine 💗

Coming to terms with the new you…

It sounds really odd to say this but you literally feel like you are mourning the old you like you have died when diagnosed with a chronic illness.

Your life changes dramatically in every aspect and looking back on the person you were is so mentally draining and so very upsetting because you know that you will never be that person again it’s impossible unless you were completely cured!

This acceptance of the new you is such a battle because you hate it and you don’t want it and you fight every step of the way but fighting it only makes you more Ill, it’s a vicious circle you go round and round. I didn’t accept for years and found myself relapsing on a monthly basis I was literally making myself more ill but couldn’t see it.

The change in acceptance for me was mindfulness followed by some fantastic psychotherapy sessions. I started to realise if I wanted some of my life back I had to have a positive relationship with my chronic Illness and actually respect it for what it was, in doing this I was being kinder to myself and not pushing against my illness all the time, my relapses as a result are not so frequent. I do have my bad days when I just want to kick out and I feel down but meditation helps me ground my thoughts and overcome it.

We all live in hope that one day their will be a cure but for now we have to make the best of who we are and be kind to ourselves and occasionally not feel guilty for being a little selfish if we need to put ourselves first 💗